Out Of The Darkness -  A Ministry Of Hope
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Broken Crayons
The Chains Are Broken!
Mental Health Moments THE BOOK
Turn the Pencil Over
Hope Floats


Mental Health Moments
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Broken Crayons

Today is my 24th wedding anniversary with my last husband. Sadly we broke up in 1996 and divorced in 1997. I have been married and divorced three times. I tried very hard to do  "things" right with the last husband. I met him at church and we didn't sleep together until the night of our wedding. I followed the rules of the Christian church and I did my best to be a good wife. Yes, I failed too. 

Life doesn't always turn out the way we want it. People do not always give you every side of them until you are married.

The Chains Are Broken!

Yes! The cat is out of the bag! I have tattoos. I waited to get this tattoo until I truly felt "Freedom"! 

The chains of Bipolar Disorder and stress are broken. Does this mean I am healed and I no longer have any symptoms? No it doesn't. It means I have learned to managed the symptoms so they do not manage me. Diet, exercise and spirituality are key to managing this illness. 

I have taken the time to learn what the illness is truly about, work on my problems from child-hood trauma, sexual abuse, physical abuse and school yard bullying. My life is so much better now. The chains are broken and I am set free!

Mental Health Moments THE BOOK

I love writing this blog and today I have a very fabulous moment to share with you! I took blogs from this page and made a coloring book, journal and devotional book. If you are interested. Check it out here. 


Turn the Pencil Over

     Life is a blank sheet of paper. What happened yesterday will not happen again today. Time moves forward and waits for no one. These are old cliches but there is so much truth in them. If you are late on a payment chances are the bank is going to call you again today just like they did yesterday, but in real life each day is different. Sadly it is our attitudes that are the same. What can I do to make today different from every other day before? What can I do to change my attitude today?

Hope Floats

Two weeks ago I loaded everything I own into a 26 foot truck and I loaded my car onto a trailer on the back of that truck and drove to a new city. I unloaded the truck with the help of others and I began unpacking in a new apartment. 

The only thing I am certain of is that I made the right decision. My emotions alternate between wildly ecstatic and terror. My old life held dreams which never came to fruition. With it the heart of a man I had hoped would be mine. Yet deep in my heart I knew it would never work.

The Road

Twenty five years ago today I walked out of a hospital in Miami, Oklahoma. I had just completed 28 days of treatment for co-dependency and major depression. My ailments also included, very low self-esteem, shame, regret and grief. My heart was broken over many things I had absolutely no control over. I blamed myself for actions which were conditioned by others. On that day I began to take responsibiltiy for my own life.

Today I walk a very different road. It is a road of self-respect and relief. Relief from many ailments which were inflicted by others, but so many more which I carried of my own free will.

Grief Never Ends

Losing someone you love is like slamming your hand through a window. Your hand and the window will never be the same. 

Grief lasts for a lifetime. It does not hold you in a choke hold forever, but the cold fingers remain around your heart waiting for that moment when a touch, a whisper, a picture or a song remind you of the person and grief leaps into action. Those moments will become further and further apart. Grief loses its grip only when my own life wanes to an end. 

Be kind to yourself.

I Have A Dream

Life is hard enough without adding depression and mental illness into the mix. Life is hard enough if we only look at the stress of paying bills and merely trying to exist. Life is hard enough to live without trauma from childhood and broken relationships. 

But, I have a dream. I have a dream for a time where mental illness is treated like the illness it is and not a scarlet letter. I dream of a time when help is common and the mere mention of Bipolar Disorder doesn't make people think of school shootings and mass murders.

The Progression of Father Time

Time marches on and waits for no one. Can you lose time? Only if you stay stuck in the past and cannot move forward. 

With the passing of my mother four and a half years ago my life became stuck. I was stuck being angry and I was stuck being sad. Angry at my family and sad at the loss of my mom. My life became a gray emotionless state of darkness. 

I have one simple resolution for 2016. Stop being stuck. Move forward with my life and become the person my mother raised me to be. Strong, happy and purposeful.

11:11 Miss you Mom

July 31, 2011 my Mom passed peacefully from this earth. Her passing ended my life as I knew it. After seven years of being her companion, care taker, friend and general pain in the backside, I was grief stricken. Nothing else mattered as I wondered what I was gong to do with my life. 

I spent the next two years trying to make sense of my life. Another relationship was coming to an end in my life and I did't want to hurt anymore, but it was worse staying in a bad place. I broke up with my boyfriend in October 2013.
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